DuckSouth.com

Heard this one time from an old black woman talking to her daughter's unemployed boyfriend:

"You's a muthaf#$in' lie, an yo firss name is tell dat sonnab#@ch"

"$#!+ Happens"
"Hotter than a blistered "BEARDED CLAM" in a pepper patch."
"damn that waters cold. Deep, too.@
"I was so broke growing up, my mother cut holes in my pockets so I would have something to play with."

forked up as a football bat

whose forkin this goat? you just hold his horns

"Shut up lookin at me!"

"Runnin' like a redneck in a wife beater on an episode of cops."

Finer than frog hairs

I am so broke, I can't afford to pay attention

I ain't seen you in a coons age

About as much fun as running naked and backwards through a cornfield.

That boy is about as sharp as a bowling ball

Now we're makin bacon

Cooking with grease

You ain't got a hair on your booty if you don't hit that hole

I f'in this monkey, you just hold the tail.....

That's sorrier n' chalky dawg chit.

more than one way to pluck a chicken

more than one way to skin a cat

shoot luke or give up your gun

$#!+ or get off the pot

To the teasers-- "Dont crank the tractor if you're not going to plow the field"

"I'm so broke, I cant buy a sick whore a bean sandwich"

Colder than a dead well digger's a.. in January.

Hotter than a blistered p...y in a pepper patch.

Call the dogs and p.ss on the fire...

If you can't run with the big dawgs, stay on the porch.

Those two look like 2 monkeys trying to f..k a football.

You wouldn't make a pimple on a duck hunter's a..(insert any craft,discipline, etc.)

You're tryin hard, but you just didn't bring enough with you.

The lite's on but nobody's home.

You ain't playing with a full deck.

His elevator don't go to the top floor.

You musta rode the little school bus.

He couldn't pour p.ss out of a boot with the directions written on the bottom.

You'd screw up a ball bearing with a Q-tip.

They're trying to figure out which one's IQ is greater than their hat size.

If you push on her hard enough she will fall over. Fudd's Law

Murphy's Law- If it can go wrong it will!

Shakin like a dog s.....g a peach seed.

Worked like a borrowed mule.

Nervous as a whore in church.

Happy as a goat eating sawbriars.

If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander.

Tight, water tight like a duck's a..

Don't smile at me like that...I already got a date for tonight.

I think I'll quit and leave ya'll in a bind. Well, you could stay and keep us in a bind!

Don't hang your a.. on the door knob!

What part of "NO" don't you understand?

Do your job with vim and vigor you can be replaced with a ...reggin... (Oops, might need to change the rhyme to fit "Mexican")

Back in '08....
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=47870&p=446570&hilit=sayings#p446570

A groid is like a broke pistol. It won't work and you can't fire it.

Here are a few more:

Referring to someone who ain't too smert: " a few bricks shy of a full load"

Referring to a valley: "down in the holler"

"crazier that a schithouse rat"

"so hungry I could eat the south end out of a north bound cow"

"ain't worth two squirts of piss"

"chicken schit basterd"

"can't fix stupid"

"meaner than a three legged dog"

"polishing a turd"

"hotter than a fresh f#@%ed fox in a forest fire"

"nekkid as a jaybird"

"fixing to"

referring to someone who is plump, just before setting him straight: "now look here porkchop"

"weeeeell doggie"

"porch monkey" (I'm taking it back)

2 from my dad -

"Rainin' like a tall cow pissin' on a flat river rock."

And my all-time favorite

"Off like a herd of turtles in a cloud of cracker dust."

Sometimes he'd shorten these phrases when children are around so as not to say words that mommies may dislike around their precious little one's tender ears.

When referring to how slow someone's working:

"You better move faster, the buzzards are circling"

"I've seen turtles f*ck faster"