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Kinda long, but bear with me.. Been married happily for almost 22 years, 3 kids. Never really been any problems just the occasional arguement, never nothing real serious. My wife's brother who lives several states away has recently got into some legal trouble and faces a trial soon. He's never had any past problems, he just got into the wrong things with the wrong people. Anyway he is not fighting the charges and he faces the real possibility of serving 5 or more years in prison. My wife's parents are both in there 70's and are not in shape health wise to make the long drive to be there when he goes to trial. So my wife wants to go to be there for her brother. It takes a day to drive where he is, we figure the trial will be a day or 2 at most so we figure she will be gone about 5-6 days with the drive there and back. Thats o.k. I can handle everything here while she's gone and I have no problem with her going to support her brother since they do come from a really close knit family. Now heres the issue...to keep down expense of a motel stay and eating out all the time she wants to stay with an old friend she grew up with who happens to now live in the same city her brother will be going to trial in. An old "male" friend. They grew up in the same neighborhood and have known each other since before 1st grade. Only thing is at one time after high school they became more than just friends for a little while, if you all know what I mean. More like "friends with benifits". They got together 3 or 4 times accroding to her. He has been married about 18 years with 2 or 3 kids of his own. They sometimes text each other at birthdays, Christmas etc.. I never really said too much before since after all he lives 12 hours away. I don't think for a minute that anything would rekindle between them its just the idea of her staying with someone she used to be "close" with. She thinks I'm the worlds worst person for making this an issue...I keep telling her what if the situation was reversed and i was going out of town and stay with someone from my past would she be comfortable with it. SInce there is no one from my past that I still keep up with there is no way for her to understand how I feel. We really can't afford her to stay in a motel and she may actually be safer staying with him and his family than by herself in a motel. Anyways I'm torn as to what to do, should I make more an issue of this than what I already have, or should I let it go. Would like to hear your opinions if you were in my situation...

Here's a question I would ask before rendering an opinion. What does his wife think about the idea? I still smell trouble, and wouldn't want to tempt it.

are his wife and kids going home? i could understand if it was just going to be the 2 of them in the house alone and his wife and kids were out of town for a few days, but if she's staying with his whole family, what's the problem? the way you describe it, it wasn't really a "romantic" type relationship ....of course there's a whole host of info i'm not privy to, so......my opinion is to be taken with a grain of salt.

I'd bet your 22yrs of marriage can withstand any pressure the "friend" can impose. I think it will be fine.

Would she be staying there with his family as in his wife and kids would be there as well? If yes, then I wouldn't see a problem with it. Now if he is recently divorced and now single and living by himself, then I would be concerned.

Blackduck wrote:I'd bet your 22yrs of marriage can withstand any pressure the "friend" can impose. I think it will be fine.

+1
I've been married 28yrs ,wouldn't worry one bit .

Yes his wife and kids will be there. His wife works, I thinks she's a nurse at the hosiptal and kids are school age kids...

What if his wife comes to stay with you? isn't there a show called wife swap or something.

J/K

Y'all talk it out thoroughly beforehand and it'll be fine.

donia wrote:are his wife and kids going home? i could understand if it was just going to be the 2 of them in the house alone and his wife and kids were out of town for a few days, but if she's staying with his whole family, what's the problem? the way you describe it, it wasn't really a "romantic" type relationship ....of course there's a whole host of info i'm not privy to, so......my opinion is to be taken with a grain of salt.

your right it really wasn't a "romantic" relationship, just 2 18-19 year olds kids doing what most 18-19 yea olds do. It was just convient for them both at the time.

edub20 wrote:What if his wife comes to stay with you? isn't there a show called wife swap or something.

J/K

Y'all talk it out thoroughly beforehand and it'll be fine.

Not trying to be ugly here butl I've seen his wife's pictures and wouldn't want her staying with me!!!

where was the brother living, why couldnt she stay there?
probably would be fine, but that would be my first question to her!

Also I've often wondered if his wife knows about thier past? His wife went to school with both of them so she's been knowing my wife for years too.

i guess i'm different.

when i go out of town, i don't stay at any "old friends" that are females.......the fact you're asking tells me there's a bit of doubt, otherwise, you wouldn't ask.

i don't put myself in situations where my wife doubts my motives, and i expect the same, doesn't matter if it's 22 years or 1 year. respect is respect.

super8 rooms cost about 50 bucks a night. i'm pretty sure you can find the change.

my 2 cents, mileage varies, gator

ragon wrote:where was the brother living, why couldnt she stay there?
probably would be fine, but that would be my first question to her!

her brother was living in another state when he was arrested for charges against him while he was living in the state where he is going to trial in...

I dont trust women one bit. Had a now ex that used to live with a guy. He was always that "just a good guy friend" in the background the whole time we dated. I never trusted that m'fer at all. She got mad at me all the time for thinking like that. Long story short, she moved in with me, he moved back to their hometown, we got sideways and broke up. She moved back to their hometown and a few moths later they are dating. I dont think they did anything while we were together, and I trust her on that one....but it just makes you think. I suspected he was in it for "more than friends" the whole time. I'm not married, but like gator said, I wouldnt want either of us to be put in a situation where there could be doubt. If its bothering you enough to ask and for you to have questions or feel uneasy, then I wouldnt do it. More than likely it will haunt you after the fact. But thats just me....i dont trust many women.