DuckSouth.com

Even my 11 yr old has to work in the summer. He must go to the farm and work in the packing shed from 730 till lunch each day before he is allowed to go to the swimming pool. Granted I am easier on him than an adult or teenager, he still gets up and works building produce boxes. He also must wash his Mother's vehicles once a week also when it is warm. I was started out the same way and have no regrets or bad feelings. I think it made me realize that things just don't show up, they are earned. He usually only works 15-20 hrs right now at his age but if he wasn't up and going to work he would just sleep. My wife also worked on a farm at an early age while growing up so she backs me 100 %. I pay him $5 hr. He keeps half to spend and half goes to savings. He kind of enjoys having 30-50 bucks a week to spend. My Dad could have given me whatever I needed at most times but he made my Brother and I both work just like anybody else at our place.

Duck$$$ wrote:Even my 11 yr old has to work in the summer. He must go to the farm and work in the packing shed from 730 till lunch each day before he is allowed to go to the swimming pool. Granted I am easier on him than an adult or teenager, he still gets up and works building produce boxes. He also must wash his Mother's vehicles once a week also when it is warm. I was started out the same way and have no regrets or bad feelings. I think it made me realize that things just don't show up, they are earned. He usually only works 15-20 hrs right now at his age but if he wasn't up and going to work he would just sleep. My wife also worked on a farm at an early age while growing up so she backs me 100 %. I pay him $5 hr. He keeps half to spend and half goes to savings. He kind of enjoys having 30-50 bucks a week to spend. My Dad could have given me whatever I needed at most times but he made my Brother and I both work just like anybody else at our place.

DUCKS$$$ you from vardaman?

All of this is great advice but i think the two things that havent been hit hard enough grandma and grandpa. Have them sit down with you and your wife and tell them the situation once yal all come to a mutual agreement on how things are going to be (if thats possible) call here in while all of yal are together and tell her the new situation and show her everyone supports it. If grandma and grandpa refuse to stop giving her money then find out things they can do around there house to earn it. The big thing is show her if she will do it your way you will continue to help support her and if she wants to go against yal then let her know she needs to find a new place to live and you want payback for bailing her out of the bad checks or you will take her to small claims court. The biggest overall thing is make sure she knows you dont want her to leave and have to drop out of school and you want her to succeed in life, the biggest mistake i see parents make is raising there kids the exact way they were raised -meaning people with crappy parents who tell there kids i didnt have this or that and look how i turned out but i always say think where you could be had life been a little easier.

Not wrong.

I started at 10 pushing a mower in the summers and have been working ever since. The longest period of unemployedment was after I gratuated college? Spent 3 months searching and ended up by on a mower LOL.

It kept me out of trouble and allowed me to do what I wanted with 'my' own money. Parents really couldn't afford to put me on their payroll, so I had to earn my 'fun' stuff. Gas, parties, hunting.
It also taught me about work ethic, as most want believe I have been known too actually get the job done.

I don't think I turned out that bad LOL.

As far as 'building a resume' or 'gaining a work ethic', from what I've seen someone can walk straight in green as a gord and get a job over someone who worked, but that's that.

One thing to look at is that when she has to get a full time job, lounging around the house doesn't quite cut it in the experience column. I might would hit up some friends for her to talk with about a job. Get her feeling good about herself and work, should see progress in other areas.

Duck$$$ aka sweet potato king is from Vardaman area.

The biggest overall thing is make sure she knows you dont want her to leave and have to drop out of school and you want her to succeed in life, the biggest mistake i see parents make is raising there kids the exact way they were raised -meaning people with crappy parents who tell there kids i didnt have this or that and look how i turned out but i always say think where you could be had life been a little easier.

I could'nt agree more.

But she really needs to get a job,but like everyone here has said, sit grandma and grandpa down have a chat with them. Mom also really needs to be the one pushing the issue also,but with you its gonna be in how you approach her and sit her down and talk to her too.

Ducks. I bet you know my wifes family they farm in vardaman hell you might be kin to my step daughter

As mentioned earlier, Grandparents are going to be crucial in this. Are they the paternal grandparents? That will make it even tougher depedening on how they view you.

Unfortunately, if it all goes to Hell she may just move out and move in with the grandparents. That is if they are totally not on the game plan.

+1 on what crow said.

You have the right idea but sounds like with all that has gone on it would be better for the mother to push the issue to her. Wouldn't hurt to get the grandparents involved in pushing her towards a job too.

Maybe, send me a pm.

Nip it in the bud. Our stepson, at 15, had come to accept, and was mentally prepared to get a summer job. His Grandmother came in, intervened, and wanted him to try to get a job while staying at her house in another City. Well, that was that and at 31, he has yet to hold more than a part time job for 8 months. Currently unemployed living with another Grandmother after finishing summa cum laude in accounting at MC 7 years ago.

So, yes, tell her its not the $ she'll be earning, that's not the point, its the education and socialization that is necessary.

Carl , when you figure this out ,let me know how to get my 41 year old wife to work

I think the whole deal revolves around a persons goals in life. I had a few jobs growing up. Nothing major, just stuff like grocery stores and department stores. One summer I took on car washing and general yard work. None of it made sense to me then. I was too young to understand. Looking back though, it was all part of learning life skills. Learning to deal with the public, how to respect your superiors, compassion for those less fortunate, the list goes on and on. It took a while for me to see that what I was doing, was preparing myself for the future.

I also learned a lot from watching my father and some of his friends. Most of them were self made, meaning that nothing was handed to them. They built a work ethic around the lifestyles that they wanted to have. Most were highly educated, a few were self taught. But all had goals. They wanted something out of life, so they had to contribute time at work to achieve those goals. Just being in that environment rubbed off on me. I wanted money, a house, financial freedom to buy things. If my dad would have just handed me money every time I asked for it, then I would learned nothing more than how to expect handouts. Sure, he gave me a lot, but I earned it, and not just by having a job. I was never in any trouble, got decent grades, contributed when I was supposed to, and was respectful and appreciative.

Maybe, you should sit down and find out what she really expects out of life. Where does she want to be ten years from now. I wouldn't expect her to know, but at least it will make her think about it. What will she have to sacrifice to get there. Offer as much support for her as long as she is trying. Some mature faster than others, so be patient but persistant.

Good luck. You are in a tough situation. All you can do, is do your best, and hope that it is good enough.

This is why the world is what it is now!!!

Well guys it got bad yesterday and as some of you said mighthappen I am suddenly the bad guy and now things are REALLY bad between my wife and I and its not looking good.