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Had similar problem. Told my wife either she could talk to her Dad or i would. She said she would and have not had any problems since. I have taken my son and left both my parents and her parents house because they let him do something we do not allow him to do. I have told both sets of grandparents that when we set a rule it is set. Just as it was when i was a kid. Now yes grandparents are going to spoil them. But there are right ways and wrong ways. Also agree on the 1 warning then spanking. My son is a little over 2 and that is what he gets. Not saying my way is right jsut the way we do it.

You need to be very forceful and put Pa-inlaw in time out. It's important to be firm and make sure he stays in for the full amount of time or you will just be defeating the whole purpose. Don't let him have his baseball when in time out either.

Didn't read all the responses so maybe it's been asked already.
How does your wife feel about this?
I would try to have her handle the situation - it's her Father. You & her need to agree that it's unacceptable & not just your opinion. Once she confronts him, stand back & se if it continues to happen. If it does, limit his visitation. IMO - Being a Grandfather is a privilege, not a right (even though I think there's a law that states otherwise). If he can't act right, pull that privilege.
All this is easier said than done though!

H20fowlkiller wrote:I guess I can take some of the blame on that but i mean hes not even two yet so I just have to hit that fine line. Im not worried about the child I am as much as the in-law, because he rarely does that at our house or anywhere else just over there because he knows he can get away with it

The terrible two's ?? heck yeah, he is old enough. Pop that leg, and he will start to understand. after a while, you will only have to bluff him...
Your father-in-law still sees you as the kid who dated his daughter. he does not respect you as a man and a father - because you have not stepped up and assumed that role. He will continue to treat you like a kid, until you take that role....

Again, stand up, grow some testicles, and be the Dad !
My father-on-law is a real hardazz.... but I was all over him if he ever tried to undercut my authority with my kids.

You have to teach your son his place. And you have to teach your father-in-law his place too...

Ditto on letting the wife handle it. He's her father and there's no need in pissing off the Pope if it's not needed yet. Let her deal with it because it will have more impact coming from her. If she doesn't want to deal with it and doesn't want you to deal with it, then you are screwed.

Before I got married I thought I would have all sorts of problems with my future Mother in Law and planned to live as far away from them as I could. Like the other end of the state. Didn't work out like that and we live about a mile from them. Turned out not to be problem and, knock on wood, haven't had an issue in 20 years.

+1, overall these are all great responses. Let us know how it turns out for you and Best of Luck. You are put in a tough situation at this point.

MemphisStockBroker wrote:

H20fowlkiller wrote:I guess I can take some of the blame on that but i mean hes not even two yet so I just have to hit that fine line. Im not worried about the child I am as much as the in-law, because he rarely does that at our house or anywhere else just over there because he knows he can get away with it

The terrible two's ?? heck yeah, he is old enough. Pop that leg, and he will start to understand. after a while, you will only have to bluff him...
Your father-in-law still sees you as the kid who dated his daughter. he does not respect you as a man and a father - because you have not stepped up and assumed that role. He will continue to treat you like a kid, until you take that role....

Again, stand up, grow some testicles, and be the Dad !
My father-on-law is a real hardazz.... but I was all over him if he ever tried to undercut my authority with my kids.

You have to teach your son his place. And you have to teach your father-in-law his place too...

Grandparent rights depends on the state- in TN they have none, its a privledge. My advice (but I am a known azzhat) is that child rearing and dog training are very close. Once the child knows the rules the negative re enforcement is immediate ie- fits are punished on the spot. If your FIL lets the child do what you said not to- load up and leave. Thus training the FIL and child that you are the boss when it comes to discipline.

Tell him straight up "If you don't quit I am gonna open a can of whoop booty on you chip, I am all hopped up on Mountain Dew". Although funny it should earn you the repspect you deserve.

Went thru something similar with mo-in-law.......sometimes she would let a cuss word slip.....told my wife when the baby was born that this was unacceptable, talk to your mother.....she did, no good....so I bluntly but respectfully said 'I hear that again, we will leave'....it took once...just once.....stand up or be prepared to get 'runned over' the rest of your marriage......if you want your marriage to stay together, stand up my friend.......this will effect more than just your relationship with your son, it will also effect the relationship with your wife if not taken care of respectfully and quickly.

Your in my prayers, bro.

My dad didn't give warnings....he would just cut his eyes with the "look", and say stop it or no!!

Next thing we would know, if we kept on, was we where getting our azzes tore out the frame.

I respect the hell out of him for it this day.

I will not tolerate bad language around my children. I have called my wife's relatives down on it several times in front of a big group. I do not back up and I am not apologetic for it. You can not be afraid of the confrontation.
If your wife can talk to him it will work the best in my experience. Your wife is "Daddy's girl" and he still wants to be the daddy. If something bothers her he will be more apt to make things right for her. If not, stand your ground, say what needs to be said, snatch em up and leave if your have to, do not let it continue and do not give in. It will only get worse.

I have great in laws and they live very close. I am one of the lucky ones. Even with the best though, there are bumps in the road that have to be ironed out

GrizwalD wrote:i have to agree with MSB.... 3 warning is 2 warnings to many. ALso your just gonna have to set the chit straight between you and your father in law but before you do so i would have a sit down talk and understanding with the wife so she is behind you instead of behind her dad.

+1

Much like a dog that will sometimes not respond to a command until it is yelled, a child will come to understand that he can get away with 2 warnings before there is a consequence. Also sounds like the paw in law is doing what he wants since there hasn't been a consequence.

Its never too early or late for discipline.

Thanks for all the responses guys, I wasnt real clear on the three warnings. I warned him once and he tried it again and the computer was put up, my wife warned him twice i was outside during the first two warnings Grilling and walked in and got the "could you help me please", I am going to ask her to say something since it is her dad, and if things dont get better will confront him.

Just ask paw-in-law to think down the line about when he gets older and is laid up in bed, peeing in a bottle and eating through a straw...wouldn't it be a shame if someone tripped over the power cord to the machine that was keeping his sorry butt alive

You want a piece of me, old man?!?!?!

H20fowlkiller wrote:For those of you with kids, how would you deal with a father in law who constatly tries to undermine when your trying to discipline you child, and he some how he tries to turn it to your fault?

Let me guess.....prolly pu$$y whooped too