Great southern phrases

[Agua]

Heard this one time from an old black woman talking to her daughter's unemployed boyfriend:

"You's a muthaf#$in' lie, an yo firss name is tell dat sonnab#@ch"

[Bankermane]

"$#!+ Happens"
"Hotter than a blistered "BEARDED CLAM" in a pepper patch."
"damn that waters cold. Deep, too.@
"I was so broke growing up, my mother cut holes in my pockets so I would have something to play with."

[ragon]

forked up as a football bat

whose forkin this goat? you just hold his horns

[4dawgma]

"Shut up lookin at me!"

"Runnin' like a redneck in a wife beater on an episode of cops."

[coonman]

Finer than frog hairs

I am so broke, I can't afford to pay attention

[mshunter77]

I ain't seen you in a coons age

About as much fun as running naked and backwards through a cornfield.

That boy is about as sharp as a bowling ball

Now we're makin bacon

Cooking with grease

You ain't got a hair on your booty if you don't hit that hole

[Doc & Nash]

I f'in this monkey, you just hold the tail.....

[greenheadgrimreaper]

That's sorrier n' chalky dawg chit.

[dukmisr2005]

more than one way to pluck a chicken

more than one way to skin a cat

shoot luke or give up your gun

$#!+ or get off the pot

[crowder critter]

To the teasers-- "Dont crank the tractor if you're not going to plow the field"

"I'm so broke, I cant buy a sick whore a bean sandwich"

[Denduke]

Colder than a dead well digger's a.. in January.

Hotter than a blistered p...y in a pepper patch.

Call the dogs and p.ss on the fire...

If you can't run with the big dawgs, stay on the porch.

Those two look like 2 monkeys trying to f..k a football.

You wouldn't make a pimple on a duck hunter's a..(insert any craft,discipline, etc.)

You're tryin hard, but you just didn't bring enough with you.

The lite's on but nobody's home.

You ain't playing with a full deck.

His elevator don't go to the top floor.

You musta rode the little school bus.

He couldn't pour p.ss out of a boot with the directions written on the bottom.

You'd screw up a ball bearing with a Q-tip.

They're trying to figure out which one's IQ is greater than their hat size.

If you push on her hard enough she will fall over. Fudd's Law

Murphy's Law- If it can go wrong it will!

Shakin like a dog s.....g a peach seed.

Worked like a borrowed mule.

Nervous as a whore in church.

Happy as a goat eating sawbriars.

If it's good for the goose it's good for the gander.

Tight, water tight like a duck's a..

Don't smile at me like that...I already got a date for tonight.

I think I'll quit and leave ya'll in a bind. Well, you could stay and keep us in a bind!

Don't hang your a.. on the door knob!

What part of "NO" don't you understand?

Do your job with vim and vigor you can be replaced with a ...reggin... (Oops, might need to change the rhyme to fit "Mexican")

Back in '08....
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=47870&p=446570&hilit=sayings#p446570

[Bankermane]

A groid is like a broke pistol. It won't work and you can't fire it.

[Po Monkey Lounger]

Here are a few more:

Referring to someone who ain't too smert: " a few bricks shy of a full load"

Referring to a valley: "down in the holler"

"crazier that a schithouse rat"

"so hungry I could eat the south end out of a north bound cow"

"ain't worth two squirts of piss"

"chicken schit basterd"

"can't fix stupid"

"meaner than a three legged dog"

"polishing a turd"

"hotter than a fresh f#@%ed fox in a forest fire"

"nekkid as a jaybird"

"fixing to"

referring to someone who is plump, just before setting him straight: "now look here porkchop"

"weeeeell doggie"

"porch monkey" (I'm taking it back)

[jacksbuddy]

2 from my dad -

"Rainin' like a tall cow pissin' on a flat river rock."

And my all-time favorite

"Off like a herd of turtles in a cloud of cracker dust."

Sometimes he'd shorten these phrases when children are around so as not to say words that mommies may dislike around their precious little one's tender ears.

[4dawgma]

When referring to how slow someone's working:

"You better move faster, the buzzards are circling"

"I've seen turtles f*ck faster"