Postby TODO » Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:09 pm
Direct from Mulletsgalore.com!
Classifications: Section I
1. classic mullet
*
this specimen is a clear demonstration of a classic mullet. Note how this mullet proudly displays his exotic plumage while in a menacing stance -- classic indeed.
The mesh tank-top, digital watch, silver chain, and molestache all add points to this fine specimen's overall look and mulletude.
Mulletude: 10
Aggressiveness: 10
Hobbies: football games, wife beating, picking fights
Sightings: everywhere, there's no escape (see eyes)
Favorite Band: Steve Miller Band
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2. CamaroMullet
The CamaroMullet used to have full reign over the mullet brethren, but that was back in the '70s and '80s. This species has fallen from grace since, but can still be seen enjoying NASCAR events and shopping at Kragen, or up in the attic cooking up crank.
Distinguishing features include: a molestache (peach fuzzy), tight-fitting acid wash jeans, and an ever-present key ring hanging from the belt loop.
Feel the mulletude emanating through your computer screen from this rare pic.
It is not recommended you confront the CamaroMullet, for they are very aggressive and cannot be hurt (this might be due to the frequent use of methamphetamines, angel dust, etc.).
Mulletude: 10
Aggressiveness: 10
Hobbies: primering cars, bar fights, picking scabs, losing teeth
Sightings: Kragen, Grand Auto, working on a Camaro on their front lawn
Favorite Band: AC/DC
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3. midgiemullet
Midgiemullets have the highest MPSI (mulletude per square inch) rating within their species. Irish folklore has it that if you caress the midgiemullet 3 times, you will be blessed with a case-and-a-half of Pabst Blue Ribbon on your doorstep within the next 48 hours.
Mulletude: 10
Aggressiveness: 10
Hobbies: taunting non-mullets, being tossed, bowled
Sightings: kicking my ass
Favorite Band: Kid Rock
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4. businessmullet a.k.a. safety cut
These mullets want it all: business in the front, party in the back.
When at work, their mulletude offends and annoys their co-workers, but luckily (and not coincidentally), these mullets are rarely in any position of real power (though they tend to think they are).
Interesting creatures, their hair is short enough not to offend the boss, but long enough to keep their rebellious comrades from becoming suspicious.
Mulletude: 5
Aggressiveness: 3
Hobbies: sexual harassment, taking advantage of intoxicated employees at company gatherings, surfing pr0n on company time (with stiffy)
Sightings: financial districts, strip clubs
Favorite Band: Joe Cocker
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5. minitruckmullet
Thought to be extinct in 1994, and usually too wily to be caught on camera, the minitruckmullet is a rare sighting indeed. The minitruckmullet has only the bottom part of his hairline on the base of his neck long.
The preferred attire of this species is Oakley Razorblade sunglasses, a turtleneck shirt with a gold cross and chain (hanging proudly), accompanied by tight fitting Guess? jeans.
The vehicle owned by the minitruckmullet almost always has a lame slogan airbrushed on the tailgate ("U Snooz, U Looz," "Teal Dream" etc.) and a "No Fear," "Fear This," or Calvin Pissing sticker.
Mulletude: 6
Aggressiveness: 7
Hobbies: cruising the Taco Bell parking lot at lunch time for high school chicks, annoying everyone in the neighborhood with their insipid car alarms, bumpin' the treble
Sightings: performance auto parts stores, the mall
Favorite Band: Vanilla Ice
