Want to know why I wasn't there?

[crow]

I was all set to come late Friday afternoon...gonna go to my Momma's house in Louisville and let her feed me, then come on over to Starksville early Sat. morning. All set, had the truck packed, even took the day off Friday to get some things done around the house so my wife wouldn't be all mad with me. I was excited!
Then, the phone rings! It's the Superintendent who tells me that he got a phone call from a school saying that the principal had been sleeping with a teacher and the school's all upset cause the word is out and I need to go investigate! Right then, I knew it was going to be a long day!
Well, sure enough, the teacher tells me that she was going through a divorce and the principal had been trying to comfort her. Well, turns out he comforted her all right! He comforted her in his office on several occassions; he comforted her in the gym once; he comforted her in a local motel twice; and he even comforted her in his own house one day while his wife was at work! All in all, I'd say she was one of the most comforted people I've ever met!
But, it gets better. I inverviewed the assistant principal who made the report. I knew of her from some community question about her sexual orientation, if you get my drift. Seems when the principal thought people were catching on to him, he got this "lady" involved. He told her that this teacher was having troubles and she needed to counsel her and try to help. He told her that he couldn't do it as people might talk if they saw him with this teacher too much. Yep, you got it! In the course of trying to be a comfort, this "lady" gets attracted to the woman and invites her out a couple of times, you know, counseling sessions to comfort her. They went to a "Gay Pride" rally in downtown Atlanta, went to Gatlinburg for a weekend (didn't know there was redneck lesbians, did you!). Then the teacher gets cold feet on the lesbo action and goes back to the principal, who continues to comfort her.
Now, the "lady" assistant principal gets all mad with the teacher and the principal because she is out of the loop and turns the other two in!
I got to do all that investigation all day Friday and Saturday. And, today, I get to go fire all three!
I don't remember when I"ve had this much fun. I think it was the last time I stuck myself in the eye with a sharp stick! Now, I think I'm in the mood to be comforted!

[Delta Duck]

You were not there? Just kidden, we did miss you and family.
Sounds like you had an interesting weekend. I always wondered about them Ga folks. I'd be careful about how much comforting you reach out for!

[RIP EM]

Crow, how did you ever get mixed up with Delta Duck?

[crow]

I got over to the cookout last spring in Tunica. We had a bodacious time at the duck camp shooting clay targets and cooking. Delta Duck was among the brethren (and sisteren) there. Really hate I missed this trip; have to make plans for the next one.

[bubba]

sounds like the next show for Jerry Springer!!!!!!!!!!

[RIP EM]

Jerrry! Jerrry! Jerrry! Good one!!!

[Doc & Nash]

Crow,

get the story rights and make a movie.