How Engineers spoil Christmas

[Wingman]

Got this in email.....HILARIOUS.

Wingman
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Subject: How Engineers Spoil Christmas


There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu,
Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the
workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million
(according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census)
rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes,
presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31
hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones
and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems
logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say
that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around
1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the
chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under
the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him to get back up
the chimney into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed
around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will
accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about
0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not
counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving
at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For
purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses
space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional
reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two
pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting
Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than
300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times
the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of
them - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload,
not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly
seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the
monarch).

A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second
creates enormous air resistance this would heat up the reindeer in the
same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The
lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy
per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost
instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating
deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be
vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time
Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating
from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems
ludicrous considering all the high calorie snacks he must have
consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by
4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and
reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did
exist, he's dead now.



Merry Christmas

[TheDuckSlayer@AU]

[gadwall2]

And a Merry Christmas to you too!

[judge jb]

i was sitting next to an engineer on a plane awhile back when he asked me if i would like to join in a conversation with him to make the time go by.... asked me if i knew anything about atomic energy..... i replied very little, but before we start can you tell me why deer, cows and horses all eat the same stuff but excrete deer pettets, cow patties and clunps of grass from the horse? he said no, so i figured there was no need to talk about atomic energy, cause he didn't know S###!!!!!!!!!!

judge {no rocket scientist} jb

[Wingman]

LOL Judge!

Wingman

[BR549]

Hey Judge, This guy sounds like he went to Ole Piss







Remember: If it flies it dies!!!!