Late nite humor!

[Wingman]

You'll feel smarter after you read these quotes
> >
> > Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
> > Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever,
> > because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever,
> > but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
> > --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
> >
> > "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
> > all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be
skinny
> > like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff,"
--Mariah
> > Carey
> >
> > "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part
of
> > your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson
> > for federal anti-smoking campaign.
> >
> > "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
> > --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
> >
> > "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
rates
> > in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
> >
> > "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We
are
> > the president," --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
> > subpoenaed documents.
> >
> > "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and
> > I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
> >
>> > "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
> > --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
> >
> > "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities
> > in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
> >
> >> > "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we
need?"
> > --Lee Iacocca
> >
> >
> > "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy
like
> > Norman Einstein," --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports
> > analyst.
> >
> > "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types
of
> > people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
> >
> > "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
> > --Bill Clinton, President
> >
> > "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al
> > Gore, VP
> >
> > "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
> > --Keppel Enderbery
> >
> > "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March
> > 1992 because we received notice that you passed away.
> > May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change
> > in your circumstances."
> > --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
> >
> > "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as
> > they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.
> > And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
> > --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
> >
> > ....Feeling smarter yet?

Wingman
ISAIAH 40:31

[judge jb]

first time i laughed today..... glad you shared them with us....

judge jb

[crow]

Al Gore has to be my favorite! It's a good thing he invented Goretex before he became VP!