A man walks into a bar. He sees a good-looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a barstool. He walks up behind her and says, "Hi."
She looks him straight in the eye and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat love it
He says, "No kidding, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"
lawyers
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Spoonallard
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missin and wishin
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Duck Sniper
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tunica du4u
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go24 wrote:Some great literary genius of the past (I forget who) once said we should kill all lawyers. That's not a bad idea. You know, if we kill ALL of them we can't have adequate representation in court, so we'll get away with it
Shakespeare in Henry VI
Shakespeare evidently wasn't fond of the legal profession Hamlet also had parts in it doggin' lawyers
Must be lawyer week someone sent me this email today:
LOUISIANA DEPARTMENT OF WILDLIFE & FISHERIES
ATTORNEYS - SEASONS AND BAG LIMITS
Any person with a valid Louisiana State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a ATV, helicopter, or aircraft.
It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
DAILY BAG LIMITS
Number Species
1 Yellow Bellied Sidewinder
2 Two-faced Tort Feasor
1 Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator
4 Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only)
3 Big-mouthed Pub Gut
1 Cut-throat
2 Back-stabbing Whiners
2 Brown-nosed Judge Kisser
2 Silver-tongued Drug Defender - $100 BOUNTY
3 Hairy-assed Civil Libertarian
NOTE: DOUBTFUL YOU WILL ENCOUNTER ONE BUT HONEST ATTORNEYS ARE NEAR EXTINCTION AND ARE PROTECTED BY LAW
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qckmstr
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LOUISIANA DEPARTMENT OF WILDLIFE & FISHERIES
ATTORNEYS - SEASONS AND BAG LIMITS
Any person with a valid Louisiana State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a ATV, helicopter, or aircraft.
It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
DAILY BAG LIMITS
Number Species
1 Yellow Bellied Sidewinder
2 Two-faced Tort Feasor
1 Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator
4 Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only)
3 Big-mouthed Pub Gut
1 Cut-throat
2 Back-stabbing Whiners
2 Brown-nosed Judge Kisser
2 Silver-tongued Drug Defender - $100 BOUNTY
3 Hairy-assed Civil Libertarian
NOTE: DOUBTFUL YOU WILL ENCOUNTER ONE BUT HONEST ATTORNEYS ARE NEAR EXTINCTION AND ARE PROTECTED BY LAW
there's alot of truth right there.. funny chit right there
LOUISIANA DEPARTMENT OF WILDLIFE & FISHERIES
ATTORNEYS - SEASONS AND BAG LIMITS
Any person with a valid Louisiana State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a ATV, helicopter, or aircraft.
It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
DAILY BAG LIMITS
Number Species
1 Yellow Bellied Sidewinder
2 Two-faced Tort Feasor
1 Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator
4 Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only)
3 Big-mouthed Pub Gut
1 Cut-throat
2 Back-stabbing Whiners
2 Brown-nosed Judge Kisser
2 Silver-tongued Drug Defender - $100 BOUNTY
3 Hairy-assed Civil Libertarian
NOTE: DOUBTFUL YOU WILL ENCOUNTER ONE BUT HONEST ATTORNEYS ARE NEAR EXTINCTION AND ARE PROTECTED BY LAW
there's alot of truth right there.. funny chit right there
![http://www.getducks.com/[img]http://www ... bird57.gif](http://www.getducks.com/%5Bimg%5Dhttp://www.scducks.com/ubb/ubb/graemlins/a-bird57.gif){kind=link}
I enjoy a good lawyer joke about as much as the next guy but when the rubber meets the road, our legal system plays a vital role as to where this great country is today. Our three branches government here in the good ole USA might be a sorry government indeed, but it's the best in the world so far.
IMHO the two biggest problems the attorney profession has are:
(1) the majority of the public is either ignorant, or lacks integrity; and
(2) there are too damned many lawyers.
And if the majority of the public was not either ignorant, or lacked integrity, we wouldn’t have too damned many lawyers!
IMHO the two biggest problems the attorney profession has are:
(1) the majority of the public is either ignorant, or lacks integrity; and
(2) there are too damned many lawyers.
And if the majority of the public was not either ignorant, or lacked integrity, we wouldn’t have too damned many lawyers!
Two lawyers decide to go fishing, and agree not to mention anything about work. Finally, after hours of silence, one of them speaks up and says, "Just for the sake of making conversation, if I was to come over to your house, screw your wife, and she got pregnant, wouldn't that make you and me kin?" The other lawyer thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't know if that would make us kin, but it sure would make us even!"
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tunica du4u
- Veteran
- Posts: 777
- Joined: Tue Feb 26, 2002 1:01 am
- Location: Dundee, Ms.
- Contact:
An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
"I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within."
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000." The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000."
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount…"
"I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within."
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000." The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000."
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount…"
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