From the Desk of Turkey Ninja

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Hunkerdown II
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Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2003 11:46 am
Location: Madison, MS

From the Desk of Turkey Ninja

Postby Hunkerdown II » Fri Mar 15, 2013 7:38 am

This seems to find my email inbox every year a few days before turkey season. I figured many of you had seen it, but even after multiple years of reading, I still laugh out loud.

Good Luck to all on this opening weekend/the greatest weekend of all.

“As you all well know the season lurks. It lurks like a thief in the night. It lurks like a serpent in the grass. It lurks like Eustace Winn over a drunk girl’s unconscious body. As the season draws nearer I would like to remind all that now is not the time to let up in any way. You should not speak to another human being unless it be a fellow blood brother. You should be totally silent to your wives, girlfriends, or friends who do not understand the obsession. Do not let your mind slip into any thought other than thoughts of his majesty gobbling so hard it makes your pecker stand up and whistle. How you go about disciplining yourself in preparation for the most glorious days of the year is up to you as long as you don’t cheat yourself. Do whatever it takes to stay strong and keep your eye on the spur. One month before season I become “turkey ninja.” Turkey Ninja speaks to no one other than his blood brothers. His fiancé is forced to sit in silence as he struts up and down the sofa in his loin cloth hacking on his box call or hailing magnificent trumpet like yelps from one of his many tube calls. The Turkey Ninja does not smile….ever. The only instance in which he may possibly smile is if he sees another blood brother. The turkey ninja eats only the finest nuts and berries and lots of red meat. He does not eat yogurt….ever. If a lesser mortal asks him if he is ready for turkey season, he double legs them to the ground and stuffs his balls in their mouth until they choke to death. The turkey ninja is all business. When he takes a crap, the only literature that he reads is Turkeys and Turkey Hunting, Turkey Call, Midwest Turkey Calls catalog, or NWTF newsletter. He then wipes his ass with the despicable pages of Buckmasters and Delta Waterfowl…."@#$%#" em. The turkey ninja wears his camo all day, every day…including his facemask and gloves. If you find the turkey ninja’s actions inappropriate or unruly then keep your thoughts to yourself. For if the ninja hears negative remarks he will pattern his Remington Premier Magnum #5s on the turkey target he just pasted to your ass cheeks. In closing, I pray that each of you find the turkey ninja within yourself and never lose sight of it. I have attached a photo of the turkey ninja before church last Sunday…..yes, he even wears this to church. Hopefully, this will keep each of you motivated to stay true to your inner spirit. Until March 15th, keep it moist. Niggols”
Roll Em Out Boys,

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