a few good jokes the first one is my favorite

[turkeyman]

Little Johnny's at it again..... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'


* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'


* * * * * * * * * * *


The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'


* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'


* * * * * * * * * * *


Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.'

[Bababooey]

It was career day and Little Johnny's teacher said today we are going to stand up and spell what your daddy does for a career and then tell us what he does for people.

1st girl stood up and said my daddy is a doctor d-o-c-t-o-r. He spends all day helping sick people get better.

2nd a little boy stood up and said my daddy is a banker b-a-n-k-e-r. He spends his day making sure people have enough money.

Next a little black boy stood up and said my daddy is an electrician E-l-a, and the teacher said no that is not right. E-l-e-k and the teacher said, why don't you sit back down and think on how to spell electrician and I will call on you again in ten minutes and I bet you will get it right.

Next Little Johnny stood up and said, my daddy is a bookie b-o-o-k-i-e. The teacher said, what does your daddy do for people. Little Johnny said, well right now he is willing to give 10 to 1 odds that that reggin over aint gonna figure out how to spell electrician, no matter how much time you give him.

The teacher said, class dismissed.