DuckSouth.com

When the leaflets on a pecan tree's stem are the size of an armadillo ear, the shellcrackers are beddin'.

My Dad describing someone who is cheap: "He wouldn't pay a nickle to watch a piss ant eat a bail-a-hay"

As nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin chairs

In describing a very small amount of adjustment: Just a "Tit-Hair"

In describing uselessness: "That's as useless as goose chit on a pump handle."

Another idiom for describing the sorry state of something (usually a person): "He's as sorry as chalky dog chit."

that's as f'd up as last years birds nest
or
that's as f'd up as an overturned tacklebox

My eyes were bigger than my stomach.
He took a knife to work a long time ago.
That place is so poor it'd take a whore and a quart of whiskey to raise a fuss.

You cant make chicken salad out of chicken $#!+.

you know what they call that lil creamy white dab on top of chicken #*@$????

....chickhen #*@$....

"lawd ha'mercy, son!!!! you could find a way to f'up an anvil with a rubber mallet!!!!"

While pulled over to the side of the road changing a flat, an Oldsmobile Delta 88 Brougham blew by us. My home boy looked at me & said:
"he had her skint back and scotched with a cocklebur"

That won't work any better than a union mule.

After working very had for a long time - "He's been rode hard and put up wet."

I heard the bear growl.

If you weren't supposed to eat it, it wouldn't look like a taco!

Arguing with him is like wrestling with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.